Saturday 21 November 2009

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I have returned. I my faithful readers and those so hapless as to find themselves in the vicinity of this rather eccentric site, welcome. To reiterate the identity of this strange blogger now conveying his thoughts to you and the blog which he claims as his, I shall reintroduce both. My name as far as possible is not to be mentioned in this site but I will go under the nom de plume, or nickname, of nihploD, which has no bearing to any apparent eccentric facet of this site (dednetni msacras). This blog itself, is dead. I have established this unusual category for my blog simply to give me the freedom to blog only in short burst over long periods of time. Simply put, calling my blog dead allows me to be lazy. Nevertheless there shall be countless witticisms referring to the dead status of this blog. To learn more, grab a snack (some might take this seriously … and some prefer a dictionary … most don’t bother) and read on …

I am here to reason you today towards an observation I have made in my time observing the very alive community surrounding my existence within the confines of this dead blog and of course the semi consciousness of my actual self. I am going to present you with a theory not unlike the MYSTY-X theorem that I consider one of my greatest epiphanies (ideas, to those who need translation).

Ladies and gentlemen,

I give you, the Principle of Conservation of Genius [PoCo-G]. A simple explanation that may or may not put the greatly pressured minds of my good readers sitting for the taxing, demanding, nerve-wrecking, absolutely stressful requirement in today’s day and age that countless governments subtly and passively (or so it would seem so) force upon us under threats of having no future in the ever harrowing rat race of life. In short, those who may be sitting for exams at the present moment you are reading this may find this amusing.

This philosophy [PoCo-G] was sparked by many events including a recent brush that my actual living counterpart had with an operation carried out under controlled conditions, which normally yields less than satisfactory results, to establish or illustrate the known law by that famous philosopher, (may he forever be remembered for stating simple logic) Isaac Newton, the Principle of Conservation of Momentum. It was also the indirect result of a differing of opinions regarding my interpretation of the latter principle between my actual self and new and old acquaintances AB amehR and nahC noraA in the baL scisyhP. And lastly the word Genius used is in reference and homage to that celebrated figure whose name has been plagiarized by the afore mentioned AB amehR for her dog (that’s gratitude for you) and has a freakish resemblance to my own, Einstein.

Now I will reveal my newfound and highly assumed inference …

The Principle of Conservation of Genius states that the usable quantity of the facility that we employ in pursuit of all things intellectual does not (or rather has a high improbability to) diminish notwithstanding that this quantity does not increase after a certain period in a normal individual’s life but rather diminishes at a not very constant rate when acted upon by external or internal forces.

And now … translation: (as much needed as for the conglomeration of intellectual mish mash presented by my beloved gnohC .rM)

There have always, as far as I can remember, been, in my life, instances where someone has pointed out that the human brain cells undergo considerable growth of new neurons (main brain cells that are important) after birth (which apparently explains the fact that a newborn’s head is of a considerably large proportion to it’s body), slowing considerably in the first years. Although others do tell me that it is unclear whether growth stops altogether or dwindles to the point we can't tell any more and research is currently being carried out to confirm the matter. Hence, your brain cells are precious and limited. There is also constant superstition that strong external forces on the cranial area can kill these cells. Either way I think it will be fair to say internal forces definitely do and they do die off from natural causes. Therefore, our brain cells are dying and reinforcements are nowhere to be found so we are in danger of becoming stupid.

Do not fear my valiant readers, the PoCo-G ensures you that this won’t happen. This principle works on the other popular “fact” that human beings only employ approximately 1% of our brain and the great Einstein used only 10%. Disregarding the fact that all manner of brain related equipment that would have had the capacity to verify that were virtually non-existent in his day there is supposedly scientific evidenced to show that we do use a minimal amount of our brain. One might question how this piece of information has any relation to the impending doom that must overtake us as we descend into idiocy, others might already have begun to see my “drift” (see? I can’t use small unofficially English words … they sound strange here) and others still have already given up reading. Persevere my readers … I read Charles Dickens … feel inferior (unless of course)

This basically means that as you only use 1% of your already small brain (in reference to the volume of your entire body) the probability that any external or internal force or natural causes will diminish the amount of currently used neutrons or glial cells is infinitesimal (or small, very small … well, ok just a 1% chance). So, you can essentially destroy 99% of your brain without making a single significant reduction to your already, however pathetic you think it is, IQ level. Consequently, my dear readers, go forth, and partake in totally brain harmful events of which I shall not begin to imagine, submit your cranial capacities to an extremely but not altogether harmful external force (feeling like banging your head against the wall yet? … (π) (major inside joke)) and do not fear for your smarts they are protected by the law of averages and probabilities.

I now absolve myself from all action possibly detrimental to your brain cells that you may choose to undertake regardless of the fact that I stand by PoCo-G that the possibility of it actually decreasing your intelligence is highly unlikely.


Credits to droW tfosorciM, yrreP and tenretnI ehT
I sign sincerely,
nihploD, a dead blogger returned

68 comments:

Unknown said...

Say what??

Perry Tan said...

tnemmoc ot decrof. The DonkYpus decrees that this is heresy, the author should be sentenced to death, his balls chopped off and conserved in a jar of pickles and that I need a can of soda now. Chop chop!

nihploD said...

... (pi)

Firiz said...

haeY, eh si kcab! Firiz is waiting for this long WOW!

desselBoS said...

Lol PoCo-G.

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